


Surprises

by Aida



Series: FiKiBo: A Cracky Trinity [2]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Bilbo knows what he's doing, Fluff and Crack, Implied Sexual Content, Multi, Romance, Those brothers didn't know what hit them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-05
Updated: 2013-05-05
Packaged: 2017-12-10 10:39:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/785102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aida/pseuds/Aida
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They didn't think that being with Bilbo would be quite like this.</p><p>(In which everyone's surprised, cuddled, and barely coherent. At least the Durin boys are.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Surprises

**Author's Note:**

> Mostly an excuse to write, or at least imply, Bilbo in a different light. There are so many fics in which he's so timid when it comes to sex, practically virginal, inexperienced, and a constant bottom. Basically, a good portion of this fic branches from an inner desire for more top!experienced!helluva-lover!Bilbo.
> 
> Some other talk as well, but that's my main point.

When Fíli and Kíli became betrothed to Bilbo Baggins, they weren’t truly expecting much. Sure, they got a lovely hobbit with a sharp tongue, level head, and adorably large and hairy feet, but they didn’t expect much else. They didn’t expect how entirely romantic Bilbo could be. They didn’t expect Bilbo to spread his affections so well that neither brother felt much jealousy (such feelings, if they came about, didn’t last long, since Bilbo quickly made up for it and all was well soon after).

And they certainly weren’t expecting _this_ …

“Wow…” Fíli breathed at the ceiling as Bilbo hummed into his shoulder.

“You’ve said that ten times in a row.” The hobbit murmured before pecking his shoulder. “I’m starting to worry that you’re like Kíli at the moment.”

Said young dwarrow was still spread out on the bed, face down, and gurgling nonsensical words into his pillow. 

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to, but…” Fíli rambled. “ _Wow_ …”

Yes, it was ineloquent, but what else was expected from a dwarf who had just been buggered six ways to Durin’s Day?

They really should’ve known better. Just because Bilbo was rather shy and blushed easily didn’t mean that he was practically virginal. He was older and, while the brothers figured that Bilbo did have some experience, they didn’t think that Bilbo had enough experience to handle both of them on the same night. More than once each. Being taken and _taking_.

Neither dwarrow thought they’d like being taken that much. 

Fíli felt himself clench at the memory of Bilbo, after Fíli finished off inside of him, flipping him over and teasing him open with a relish before pounding him into the mattress. Of feeling his throat go raw as he screamed his surprised pleasure to the walls. 

He also remembered Kíli’s experience. Kíli, who was the first, and most naïve of the two. Who went and attempted to ravish Bilbo senseless, only to be ravished senseless himself. Who was the first to plow Bilbo and be plowed, only to wrap himself around Bilbo once Fíli was blissed out after his second (or, dear Maker, was it his _third_?) release and practically beg for more. And more he got, as it left him face down and incoherent on the mattress nearby. 

It was a bit awkward for both brothers to be in the same bed, let alone the same _room_ as all this happened, but Bilbo easily made sure that such thoughts didn’t last long. That, and it wasn’t the first time they were in the same room as one got off with another, making sure no one was the wiser. They still did nothing to each other (except Kíli, who gasped to his brother “Oh, sweet Mahal, Fee! You should try this!” as Bilbo laughed and Fíli got undressed, and Fíli had gasped right back “Oh, Kee, you weren’t kidding!” before Kíli whimpered into Bilbo’s ear, begging for another go), and Bilbo completely respected that. He made sure to tend to both brothers separately and equally. As if he’d been doing such actions his whole life.

“I take it you’re quite impressed.” Bilbo murmured, and Fíli felt his grin against his bare skin.

“Oh, _very_.” Fíli groaned, shivering a little as Bilbo’s hand stroked the skin of his belly. “I’m so glad we get to keep you. If we weren’t, then we’d steal you away and keep you regardless.”

The hobbit snorted. “I don’t know if I should like being kept solely for my prowess in bed.” He murmured, turning his face to smile up at the blonde dwarf. “But I’m glad that I get to keep you both too.”

“Not just sex.”

Both Bilbo and Fíli turned to Kíli, who finally lifted his face from the pillow, looking rather dazed and content. 

“Like you for more than sex…” Kíli continued, wriggling. “Like your feet, too.”

Bilbo laughed as Fíli grinned over at his brother, who was now frowning.

“Bilbo? Hold me.”

“Can’t you move to hold me?” Bilbo asked, grabbing one of Kíli’s arms and tugging him into his side, grunting at the practically lifeless mass that was one of the heirs of Durin.

“No.” Kíli replied, managing to barely prop his head onto Bilbo’s fleshy chest. “You’ve plowed the bones right out of me. Can’t move a muscle.”

“Oh, I hope that’s not true.” Bilbo replied. “We’d have to carry you, and be short one amazing archer.”

Kíli seemed to preen tiredly at the hobbit’s words, and Fíli couldn’t help but snort. 

“Indeed, brother.” He spoke as he too curled himself around Bilbo, pressing into his other side. “What would uncle say?”

“Oh dear, I didn’t even consider that.” The two dwarrows looked at Bilbo as his eyes widened. “He’d probably kill me, and right when I got into his good graces.”

They snorted against Bilbo’s chest as Fíli felt Kíli wrap a leg around one of Bilbo’s. “I don’t think so.” He explained. “Probably wouldn’t believe us if we told him that you buggered us incoherent.”

Bilbo scoffed. “That seems likely.” He remarked drily as he combed his fingers through their hair. “I’d just have to show him to prove otherwise.”

They felt Bilbo jump as they released deep, angry growls against his skin, clinging even tighter to his soft form. “ _No_!”

“I wasn’t being serious!” Bilbo protested, trying to urge them to loosen their grips when they became close to painful. “I would never do that to either of you. I have no interest in your uncle, anyway.”

They relaxed at that, marginally, though they still clung to Bilbo tightly. At least their grip was comforting and no longer squeezing the life out of the poor burglar. 

Just as they were drifting into slumber, practically purring in contentment, Bilbo broke their state.

“Besides, he’s probably more interested in Dwalin.”

Both boys snorted in laughter at that, causing Bilbo to laugh as well.

“Oh, heavens no!” Fíli crowed.

“Uncle and _Dwalin_?” Kíli crowed right back. “When wild boars become _pets_!”

“R-Really?” Bilbo choked out. “I… I thought they were rather close…!”

“Close, yes.” Fíli continued.

“But not _that_ close.”

“They’re shield brothers-.”

“-emphasis on _brothers_ -.”  
“-They would never _dream_ of being together.” Fíli laughed, even as he calmed down. “Besides, Thorin’s got a lady.”

“Really?” Bilbo asked, genuinely curious. “A lady-dwarf?”

“It’s ‘dwarrowdam’, actually, and no. She’s from the race of men.” Kíli answered, yawning. “Works at an inn somewhere back west. Apparently very clever, and supposedly she’s got a beard.”

“Oh.” Bilbo replied as he tried to picture it in his head. It was a peculiar picture, for while he had interacted with women of men before, none of them had any real facial hair. There upper lip might be a bit hairy, or they’d have some stray hairs on their chin, but nothing as drastic as a full-on _beard_.

“That, and Dwalin’s married.” Fíli remarked, cutting through Bilbo’s thoughts, but it wasn’t as shocking as what Kíli told him. It made sense, after all, for a dwarf as old as Dwalin to be married. Possibly even have kids.

“Yeah. To Bofur.” That, however, did not.

“What!? Really?” Bilbo cried, trying not to jostle his loves too much in his shock. “How did I not know this?”

“It’s not really a secret, Bilbo.” Fíli grumped at being jostled, nuzzling his cheek against Bilbo’s chest. “Though it might be hard for you to tell. We don’t have rings like Men, or twigs like elves…”

“I don’t really think elves trade sticks.” Bilbo cut in, but was promptly ignored.

“We have braids…” Kíli replied, tilting his head up and blowing air into Bilbo’s ear. “Like yours, but different.”

Bilbo hummed, absently reaching up to scratch his head, rattling the braids that dangled near his ears slightly. 

“The braids of a wed dwarf start at the base, here.” Fíli explained, reaching up to finger the little hairs at the base of Bilbo’s neck, and the dwarf grinned when Bilbo shuddered. “They’re sometimes hard to see, since they can be swept up into hairstyles and covered with hair.”

“I just wished that he told me.” Bilbo replied. “Either of them.”

“They probably thought you knew. Don’t be offended.” Kíli remarked, trying to stretch up to kiss Bilbo’s chin, only to groan and flop back down against his chest. “Oh, I can barely move! You hobbits and your endurance!”

Bilbo laughed, carding fingers through their hair some more and easing them to use his chest as a pillow. “If you’re acting like this now, I guess one could say you’re lucky that we didn’t meet when I was younger!” He remarked. “I had much more back in those days.”

The young brothers groaned. Whether in dread or arousal, it was uncertain. Either way, it just made Bilbo laugh harder.

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: http://omgaidawtf.tumblr.com


End file.
